Jan 6·edited Jan 6Liked by The Man Behind the Screen
What struck me about 75% of the way through was just how much info was shared - between the brothers and with the reader - completely without dialogue. Excellent use of body language and nonverbal cues to convey most of the information. It fits the story perfectly.
I'm glad that came across! That's a little something I wanted to challenge myself with. With the brothers being primeval men, typical dialogue felt like too much of an easy out, particularly for what I have planned across the rest of the story.
I'll also admit, Genndy Tartakovski's "Primal" played a part in inspiring me to approach it in this manner, as he relies on body language and context to show the emotions and thought processes of not only Spear and Fang, but a wide variety of different characters once the show moved into its second season.
Love the descriptions of the planet, the fauna, the flora on this world. I tried to see their hair, but didn't somehow, I figure I get it later. But more than enough word picture to 'see' the action. You had a good 'hook' with the, I assume, a vessel crashing in the jungle-forest. I want to see what's there and I like the characters.
You know the fact body language is so prevalent through out the piece you get a sense of how primal this particular place is . The heavy descriptions lent weight to that.
That's exactly the kind of feel I was hoping to portray, particularly when it came to describing things from Blackpaw's perspective. He's very curious for the kind of primitive man he is, which presents an interesting challenge when it comes to describing things that are recognizable to us but wouldn't be seen the same way by someone like him. More of that will come into play in the next chapter.
As for your big question, I'll probably cover that in deeper detail in a future story, but suffice it to say for now that Three Lakes got its name because the area has three lakes, and Red Mountain got its name because it's a mountain that's red ;)
Hahahaha simple reasons are often the best, I just I guess was caught up in thinking along Tolkienian lines too much (the Blue Mountains have some long history that explains their name for ex along with being blue).
But definitely explore more in future stories, really can't wait to see it!
I will say that some of these landmarks may or may not have more than one name to them, but the names given here are meant to be rooted in the kinds of basic concepts that primitive people like Blackpaw and White-eye would understand. It's going to create an interesting challenge going forward, too. I shan't say precisely why, only that I'm curious to see how well I'm able to showcase what fell from the sky when I'm limited to the understanding of men who've never seen anything like it before.
I love it, you've still given it considerable thought and have done a fantastic job with the world-building, and this helps to 'seep' us into the mindsets of your characters.
What struck me about 75% of the way through was just how much info was shared - between the brothers and with the reader - completely without dialogue. Excellent use of body language and nonverbal cues to convey most of the information. It fits the story perfectly.
I'm glad that came across! That's a little something I wanted to challenge myself with. With the brothers being primeval men, typical dialogue felt like too much of an easy out, particularly for what I have planned across the rest of the story.
I'll also admit, Genndy Tartakovski's "Primal" played a part in inspiring me to approach it in this manner, as he relies on body language and context to show the emotions and thought processes of not only Spear and Fang, but a wide variety of different characters once the show moved into its second season.
I want a pet terror soarer :D
Love the descriptions of the planet, the fauna, the flora on this world. I tried to see their hair, but didn't somehow, I figure I get it later. But more than enough word picture to 'see' the action. You had a good 'hook' with the, I assume, a vessel crashing in the jungle-forest. I want to see what's there and I like the characters.
You know the fact body language is so prevalent through out the piece you get a sense of how primal this particular place is . The heavy descriptions lent weight to that.
That's exactly the kind of feel I was hoping to portray, particularly when it came to describing things from Blackpaw's perspective. He's very curious for the kind of primitive man he is, which presents an interesting challenge when it comes to describing things that are recognizable to us but wouldn't be seen the same way by someone like him. More of that will come into play in the next chapter.
I hope you take some time to check out my work. I need to gauge where I'm at
I have your first draft of Silverbolt open in an adjacent tab and plan to read through it a little bit later today.
My style is a bit more sparse so be kind
Really love how much you communicated without dialogue, and that cliffhanger ending really excited to find out more about them.
But my biggest question is... I want to know how Three Lakes & Red Mountain got their names!
Glad you enjoyed it!
As for your big question, I'll probably cover that in deeper detail in a future story, but suffice it to say for now that Three Lakes got its name because the area has three lakes, and Red Mountain got its name because it's a mountain that's red ;)
Hahahaha simple reasons are often the best, I just I guess was caught up in thinking along Tolkienian lines too much (the Blue Mountains have some long history that explains their name for ex along with being blue).
But definitely explore more in future stories, really can't wait to see it!
I will say that some of these landmarks may or may not have more than one name to them, but the names given here are meant to be rooted in the kinds of basic concepts that primitive people like Blackpaw and White-eye would understand. It's going to create an interesting challenge going forward, too. I shan't say precisely why, only that I'm curious to see how well I'm able to showcase what fell from the sky when I'm limited to the understanding of men who've never seen anything like it before.
I love it, you've still given it considerable thought and have done a fantastic job with the world-building, and this helps to 'seep' us into the mindsets of your characters.
As always, pleased you enjoyed it!